just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize