I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
