Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
