umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
