I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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