I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
