Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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