Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
