Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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