Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
