cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
