We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
