Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i now understand why vodka
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
