Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
