If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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