we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
