We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
