haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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