my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
