well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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