I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
