at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
