Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
