all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
