you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
