Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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