this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
