I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I died a long time ago.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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