I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
