my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
