i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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