Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just googled if crying burns calories
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
