i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
