my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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