I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just found a bag of teeth...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
