we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
