Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
