Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
