and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
