Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
