yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
