This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
