Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Randomize
