do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
