you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
