omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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