We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
