Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
