i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
