Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
