Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
