Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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