I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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