I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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